God Save The Queen, but please, forget about the King.

I disappeared once again, I know.

Bad Alex. BAD!

Ok, now I officially apologized to the world let's talk about some sirius shit - High five HP fans!
I don't know if it's just me who's surrounded by this gigantic cloud of bad luck, perhaps I just killed a kitty of two in one of my previous lives, I don't know, but still, how is it F&%@ING possible that the one time I meet someone acceptable (and by acceptable I mean sexy as hell with an even sexier british accent), he turns out to be a douchebag?

Let me explain things better: one magical night, one of the very few free nights I had since I started University - a post on this thread is coming, don't know how, don't know when, but it's coming. Just like Winter in Westeros. - me and my friends went to this Irish Pub for the first time. Nothing too weird about that, you would say, and so did I, until this random guy comes saying:<<Hi, sorry to interrupt you guys, I know it's a random question, but have you seen a wooden cock, 5 inches long? My friend's just lost it somewhere>>.
Let's be honest, any person in his sense would have turned his head and never spoke to that weirdo again, but remember it's me we're talking about, and I'd had a couple of drinks already.

Once again: bad Alex, BAD!!

Anyways, after a while we started having a real conversation, danced a little, had some more drinks, kissed -ehm ehm- and exchanged numbers.

Everything looks perfect so far, ain't I right? Right, and so it did for a couple of weeks, until my lovely misfortune cloud came back from its holiday in the beautiful Caribbean Sea. Thanks.
So, at this point there's nothing much I can tell you, since I still don't know what's happened: he just disappeared, just like I did with this Blog. The day before he was telling me how beautiful I was, and the day after puff, like nothing happened- oh, how I wish I knew how to put GIFs in this! You know which one I'm talking about, the Madagascar's penguins one.

It's been two weeks now since we last talked, so no, even though he was a girl,and if he, say, send me a message now, (s)he still couldn't blame it on his/her (?!) period, plus he's NOT a she, so anyways he couldn't blame it on the period. Or could (s)he?

Ok, this is getting way too weird.

Anyway, that was it. I'm not gonna say I'm heartbroken, because I'm obviously not, otherwise I would be watching Titanic for the millionth time in a row, holding my owl shaped teddybear insulting that young piece of art known as Leonardo Di Caprio, instead of writing bullshits on this blog.

Probably.

Let me know if you can relate to this,or if you just enjoyed it or whatever. Or also just read and leave, JUST LIKE HE DID. Feel guilty now.

Cheers!

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Things I (one day) will tell my nephews

I don't know why, but I've been noticing that grandmothers have this incredible ability to know literally everything that happens with you, and, most of them, to have experienced all the possible experiences.

I,too, want to be one of those cool grandmothers, so that's why, after only 19 years and a good half, I've collected a discrete amount of what in italian I would call "figure di merda", which in english would be " times I acted like a fool", though it's much better in italian #sorrynotsorry, and I seriously can not wait to tell them all to my hypothetical future (un)lucky nephews.

Please don't judge me.


N. 1- I've lost a tampon in the forest/beach (difficult to separate them) during a party in Norway and I went to the ambulance asking for a new one. They all started laughing and gave me a pack of toilet paper instead.

N. 2- After a night spent drinking wine, I threw up on my bedclothes and kept it there for one week, because I didn't dare tell my parents. Eventually I told my mum and she and my dad laughed at me for days afterwards.

N. 3- Conversation with my Norwegian family: "You know what they say, <When you drop a fork on the floor, a man is knocking at the door>!" Me: "Is he nice?"

N. 4- I got really drunk in Amsterdam and woke up with a barricade in my room made by my friends to keep "someone" outside - not going to say anything more about this. We had to take the plane back home the day after and threw up every now and then on the way from the hotel to the airport.

N. 5- In Cambridge, me and my friends greeted the police officer with a tea cup full of vodka and asked him to take a picture with us. He didn't notice the alcohol and took the picture.

N. 6- I got out one day in the middle of the night and called my friend to go "catch" the Northern Lights, and got lost somewhere in the forest, with the sound of the mooses and my friend swearing in the background.

N. 7- One month after I moved to Milan, I got really drunk and threw up in the tram.

N. 8- I jumped off the trampoline in the pool and found out just once I was in the water that I had lost the upper part of my bikini.

N. 9- I almost burned down the whole kitchen while trying to cook some spinaches. Literally.

N. 10- I managed to set my hair drier on fire a couple of times.

And, last but not least, my hair was once like this:

That's not all,but I've ashamed myself enough for today. I'll probably make a part two one day.

Once again, please don't judge me.

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