Things I (one day) will tell my nephews

I don't know why, but I've been noticing that grandmothers have this incredible ability to know literally everything that happens with you, and, most of them, to have experienced all the possible experiences.

I,too, want to be one of those cool grandmothers, so that's why, after only 19 years and a good half, I've collected a discrete amount of what in italian I would call "figure di merda", which in english would be " times I acted like a fool", though it's much better in italian #sorrynotsorry, and I seriously can not wait to tell them all to my hypothetical future (un)lucky nephews.

Please don't judge me.


N. 1- I've lost a tampon in the forest/beach (difficult to separate them) during a party in Norway and I went to the ambulance asking for a new one. They all started laughing and gave me a pack of toilet paper instead.

N. 2- After a night spent drinking wine, I threw up on my bedclothes and kept it there for one week, because I didn't dare tell my parents. Eventually I told my mum and she and my dad laughed at me for days afterwards.

N. 3- Conversation with my Norwegian family: "You know what they say, <When you drop a fork on the floor, a man is knocking at the door>!" Me: "Is he nice?"

N. 4- I got really drunk in Amsterdam and woke up with a barricade in my room made by my friends to keep "someone" outside - not going to say anything more about this. We had to take the plane back home the day after and threw up every now and then on the way from the hotel to the airport.

N. 5- In Cambridge, me and my friends greeted the police officer with a tea cup full of vodka and asked him to take a picture with us. He didn't notice the alcohol and took the picture.

N. 6- I got out one day in the middle of the night and called my friend to go "catch" the Northern Lights, and got lost somewhere in the forest, with the sound of the mooses and my friend swearing in the background.

N. 7- One month after I moved to Milan, I got really drunk and threw up in the tram.

N. 8- I jumped off the trampoline in the pool and found out just once I was in the water that I had lost the upper part of my bikini.

N. 9- I almost burned down the whole kitchen while trying to cook some spinaches. Literally.

N. 10- I managed to set my hair drier on fire a couple of times.

And, last but not least, my hair was once like this:

That's not all,but I've ashamed myself enough for today. I'll probably make a part two one day.

Once again, please don't judge me.